Sister, You Came to the Desert to Make Rain

Updated: Jun 1

Over a decade I felt like I was in a spiritual desert. Have you ever felt like you are or were in a metaphorical parched place? Maybe it is more like just feeling thirsty. As if you can't quite get enough to drink to feel satiated.

Life is a spiritual journey y'all. The whole walk. And it is so much more than that at the same time. At best, we got language, myths, legends, and soul stories. So, let's tell them. Together. I have been hiding in shame for too long. Lemme cut it straight right here and now. Change is inevitable. How cliche` right? We live in impermanence. Time is limited. We don't wanna talk about it. Or do we?

Being quiet the last two years prepared me for this year's lessons in the death of a loved one experience. Sure I had lost family members in my past but, this loss is different. The loss of a real Soul connection has been telling in ways I never expected. Death is a huge transformation collectively.

Trying to find distinct lines with what to say and what not to say as I tell my Soul Story now, today in this moment, has been an uncovering. Talking about shame isn't new on the scene for me. For roughly, eight years -ish my cousin and I lead Abortion Recovery at our church. Talking about shame is now held in sacred space. Somewhere in Forever Time the desperate prayers her and I cried out are swirling in sacred space.

Words of revelation as where to go on the next step of this well lit path, we can see the way. Loving the heart of the woman is what kept me doing it as a ministry within the church. Not to mention my love for my cousin, Shelly as we walked it out together. We have all changed since 2020, no doubt. It was an eye-opener in the least. The well lit path started to lead off in another direction. Turning off the voices of affiliations, political persuasion, and cultural divides, gave me time to see what the hell was going on with me!

So you see this is one dream coming true. Writing shame curriculum took me getting still so that stepping back a larger perspective could come into view. Somewhere in sacred space death became my teacher that I didn't see coming. Death came in requirement to now be able to let go of the sacred work with my dear Sister Cousin, and cohort. The death of my loyalty to a church that was the face of Christ giving me balm and bandaging my wounds. It was the place we healed. Together.

Contemplative prayer kept me sane and connected. Coming to Selah Yoga Studio for months after Shelly passed over, my prayers were wrenched guts wrung out on floor. Listen Sisters, I stomped it out, wailed it out, danced it out, and sang it out. It was painful freedom.

Oh for the past two years or so we had so many conversations about what is our next steps would be to help women overcome shame. Wanting to write our own curriculum was a dream Shelly (my cousin) and I dreamed to create. Taking a step back to look at shame more holistically for the past two years, it is bigger than abortion. Shame has a way of permeating into all lines we humans try to create against each other and ourselves. Shame connects us

Listening to hear my own heart, mind, and soul, I put aside the expected schedule demands, along with the long suffering shame had inflicted. This process is slow but, I am committing to allowing myself to show up as I am.

Funny thing is writing the "book" Sister, You Came to the Desert to Make Rain showed me how God addresses shame as a fundamental experience in the garden of Eden and on Golgotha. I am not expecting you to talk about it, but maybe read and listen to my Soul Story. It is a conversation to wrestle with how to talk about it in a new way. I will tell you my Soul Story, sometimes I will ask you reflective questions for you to begin to write your Soul Story at the end of the reading.

The Desert taught me about death. What is even more fascinating is the requirement of many things to die for order to create immense transformation